fényképek

The trip was fantastic. I'd like to say I'll write about it soon, but my track record is not good. This should do for now, though, and a lot of the pictures do come with text. There are nearly 150 photos in there, so don't bother unless you're really itching for something to waste time on. I took a bunch of cutesy and kissy photos out, so you're welcome.

out of office

12:12:20 Thu (Boss) when are u leaving for hungry
12:12:45 Thu (Kate) saturday 6pm
12:12:52 Thu (Kate) arrive budapest sunday 9am
12:14:09 Thu (Boss) excellent, i jealous. can u bring me back a paper note (any value).
12:16:16 Thu (Boss) ok thxs

diet rite

At some point when I was in high school, I got it into my head that I was getting fat, so I adopted a "diet" and wrote its central tenets on a piece of construction paper that I pinned to the bulletin board near my bed (so I COULD NOT FORGET). The diet specified that I was allowed one glass of orange juice in the mornings, one SMALL lunch (I probably put stars around the word "small") such as a bagel with a LITTLE BIT of cream cheese, and a salad for dinner.

Totes rexi, right?

Except that it's ME, and I love food, and I love eating, and nothing could ever or has ever prevented me from eating what I want. I did eat everything in the diet, including a salad (everyday) swimming in thick caesar dressing and heaped with parmesan. But additionally, of course, I had a snack every hour that didn't "count."

I have not gone on any kind of diet since then, except for the time in college Lissa and I tried not to eat for 24 hours (she succeeded; I got stoned about 21 hours into it and broke down), and the time in college Lissa and I tried to change our bodies' metabolism by consuming fewer than 500 calories a day for two weeks (which is when I learned about the calorie content of vodka).

During the summer between my freshman and sophomore years in college, my immense capacity for enjoying mediocre food took on a comforting routine. Everyday I ate the same thing: a grande iced vanilla latte and crumble coffeecake, and a burrito-with-everything served enchilada style. The coffeecake and burrito were each about the size of my head. And then I'd eat dinner at home. No exercise, no good diet. And that summer I lost my freshman fifteen.

Then I gained it all back -- and since last summer I've lost it again. How, I'm not totally sure, but I know it has nothing to do with intentional deprivation, something I have always been patently incapable of forcing upon myself.

So it's been weird to have people jumping down my throat about my weight loss and eating habits. Is it because they all met me when I was at the higher weight? So that by comparison, I'm skinny now? Most size-six people don't get crap for being too skinny. Why bother someone who's size six when there are double-zeros out there?!

The worst is when I'm eating. Or actually, when I'm done eating. Because I quit when I'm full, and sometimes that means there's still food on the plate. Shock, horror, sometimes here in the united states of obesity they serve you too much. But these days I can't push away my plate without someone telling me they're worried.

Hi, people, this is me, I eat Fruit Roll Ups, I get my iced coffees with whole milk, I never ever count calories and I broke the band of my bikini top in the Bahamas. I am not too skinny. I am not skinny, period (and thank god my comments are still broken so you can believe me when I say I'm not fishing for compliments here).

Here, I'll even post an embarrassing picture of myself as proof. NOT SKINNY. Cause for a teeny weeny bit of weight-consciousness, even. Let's be honest, I look like crap in that picture and I could stand to lose a few, if the photo doesn't lie. My thighs make Stan's head look small, which is no minor feat.

So while on one hand I have actual issues with my body like any normal person, on the other hand I need at all times to make sure I don't give anyone the impression that I am doing anything to lose weight, which means constantly recounting everything I have eaten to exclaims of "that's not enough!" Does no one realize that when I say I've eaten a bagel, it goes without saying that the bagel has been dipped wholesale into a vat of delicious butter? Is it so alarming that I generally eat when I'm hungry and don't when I'm not? Am I suspicious because I don't like to expound as much as the average woman upon what I've eaten that day? How can I convince people there is nothing wrong with or skimpy about my diet? Why don't they pick on someone smaller?